How to Age in Style
If you are a Baby Boomer, you are in the ‘Age of Aging’ as author Andrew Steele remarked in his book ‘Ageless.’ I’m a BB myself and I’ve found as you age, you often move away from friendships that were strong in your younger days. It may be because one of you relocated for work, or you were busy raising children, or even changes in lifestyle by old friends that no longer resonated with you.
Many people, as they age, may develop a solitary lifestyle, no matter what their age because neighborhood dynamics have changed. More people live in apartment buildings or condos than ever before so they can’t just sit on their porches and visit with their neighbors as they walk by. Two and a half years of COVID exacerbated that solitary lifestyle.
It can be scary to reach out and make new friends, but it is important to do so, especially later in life. Socializing is an important human function and communication with others keeps your mind active. Also, if you are in a relationship or friendship, long-term or new, you can’t expect only one other person to meet your needs for socialization. The more friendships you can develop, whatever age you are, the better. It’s a good idea to have at least four people in your life (besides relatives) that you meet with at least once a month. That means you are seeing a different person once a week but how do you make new friends, especially later in life?
The following are some of the ways you can meet new people:
1. Take a Course. COVID gave more people the opportunity to stay in touch electronically. Now that the world has opened after COVID, there are many courses available in person again as well as continuing Zoom meetups online. Connect with like-minded people and make new friends while doing so, and if it’s possible later meet them in person.
2. Resurrect a Hobby or Begin a New One. Everyone has a hobby even if you don’t think you do! Are you a reader? Look for a reading club or book club in your neighborhood or start your own if there isn’t one. Do you enjoy watching movies? Put out the word at work or in your apartment building that you would like to go to the movies once a month. If you enjoy working on your memoirs, find a writer’s group that has members with the same idea. If you knit or hand stitch, see about joining an organization making projects for 3rd world countries. I just heard about one at the downtown library where people meet for stitchery. Because some of them don’t have air conditioning at home they stay cool in the library and have created a social group. Love carpentry? Look for an organization that donates projects like birdhouses or bat boxes to environmental groups. Do you like shopping or just looking at other people’s treasures? Recycling and reusing is very popular with all ages so go to garage sales and before long you will realize you see many of the same faces. Maybe discuss the idea of carpooling to garage sales with one or two others.
3. Exercise. Many community centers have walking, swimming, or yoga programs to keep you healthy. Again, it’s a great way to meet like-minded people who enjoy doing the same thing. There are regular hobbies like golf so put your name on the spare list and before long you might get a call to fill in. If you are into downhill or cross-country skiing during the winter, or hiking, biking, kayaking, or paddle boarding during the summer, find out if there is a local group you can join. Maybe you used to go dancing all the time. Find a group to join or head over to the Legion or Elk's Club. If you are an elder, see if the local senior center has an afternoon dance once a week. You don't necessarily have to be a member of any of these groups to participate.
4. Join a Gourmet Cooking Class. If you already like watching cooking shows on TV, see if there are any groups around town. If not, think about finding a grocery store or restaurant that will sponsor one once a month. Maybe the college has a cooking program where they can offer gourmet cooking. If you have no idea how to cook, see if a senior’s club has volunteers who would like to teach groups of people how to cook simple dishes. Then arrange to host cooking get-togethers at each other’s homes.
5. Volunteer. Check out places like the Salvation Army or a local thrift shop that supports organizations and offer your time. Even one day a month helps the organizations and being out in the community allows you to meet new people. Or maybe you would like to participate in bake sales and other fundraisers for a church group. Go help at a seniors’ residence on music day if you enjoy singing or playing an instrument. Become a costume maker or set builder at a local theatre. If you like acting, audition for a part in a play. There are many organizations always looking for people to participate.
6. Become a Mentor. Your hobby may lead you naturally into a volunteer position, but if it doesn’t, you may want to consider doing something new. How about getting involved with a mentorship program in your community? Work with children or new immigrants helping them develop their language skills. If you are a professional, check with your local Chamber of Commerce to see if any organizations could use your help and expertise.
7. Garden. Gardening has always been a big hobby and a great exercise program for many people. With prices of produce going up there are now community gardens available in many cities. It’s a way to get out and get fresh air and exercise and meet others who want to do the same. If you have a green thumb for growing orchids or roses, consider joining a garden club. Or see if there is a heritage seed exchange group that meets in person. Is your gardening indoors or on your balcony? Check out garden shops to see if they have weekly information courses and if they don’t, maybe encourage them to start one.
8. Game Day. Do you enjoy playing cards or board games? Many people have learned to play bridge or other card games over the years. There are coffee shops now that encourage game playing and have games available to their customers to use. Take up Scrabble or do a large puzzle with a group of new people. Games help to keep your brain active and the socializing may lead to new friendships.
9. Travel. Do you love traveling and want to do more? If you are single or have a partner who doesn’t like traveling it may be difficult if you don’t like traveling alone. See if there is a travel club in your community and if there isn’t one approach a local travel agency and see if they would establish one. They may also have a list of companies that connect solo travelers.
10. Be a Couch Potato. You live in an apartment building or condo, and you don’t like going out, especially if you work. You would rather sit at home and watch movies. See if you can find three or four others in your building who like doing the same thing and make it a social afternoon or evening once a week. Everyone brings a ‘must see’ list of movies and a snack and you are set! Some buildings also have a meeting room you can book to use at no cost. An apartment building I lived in years ago would have a lobby or a roof-top meetup every couple of months, so people met their neighbors. You can’t always depend on having your family close by so meeting your neighbors is a good thing and may lead to new friendships.
11. Ditch Your Comfort Zone. Think about connecting with others in a coffee shop you frequent. Take a chance and say hi to the person sitting at the next table and who knows, they might say ‘hi’ back. If they do, start up a conversation and find out a little bit about them. “Do you live close by? Have you lived here long? What do you like to do in your spare time?” Those are the first steps in developing a new friendship. The older you are the most important thing is not to become a hermit and cut yourself off from people. Also, new people that you meet don’t have to be the same age as you. Try to make new friends that are twenty or thirty years younger than you because the older you are the more chance that friends will die before you.
12. Reach Out to Old Friends. I already mentioned this in the last blog. With social media so popular now with all ages, it is a lot easier to reconnect with people you may have known before. Search on Facebook or Instagram to see if you recognize anyone. Often when you connect with one, the link will help you connect with others you knew.
You have developed many skills and interests over your lifetime, whatever your age, that you can share with others. Once you have found a group that works for you, start talking with people and asking them about their lives. Before long, you may find someone else who is interested in the same things you are. Go out for coffee or lunch and get to know each other better even though it will take some commitment on your part.
If you are still working, take the opportunity to develop relationships with one or two of your colleagues outside of the workplace. That way you still have them in your life when you finally retire. Maybe you have returned to work for a couple of days a week after retiring so it’s a good place to meet younger people too. They will have a different way of thinking than you so you might learn something new.
Susan Gerle is a writer/ blogger about ‘How to Age in Style.’ She also facilitates workshops and retreats on aging and learning how to ditch your comfort zone.
Great advice. Hubby and I are movers (not shakers). We’ve lived in many states over the years due to new jobs so it was tough to make friends or nurture relationships. The thing I miss the most is a good book group. Thx for inspiring me to find one. 🙏❤️
Thank you for your feedback, Jan. Feel free to share. I am posting a new article every Monday. Susan